Well, it's been a while. This semester has been rather fun, hectic, depressing, uplifting... everything that Grad School should be. I haven't actually been neglecting my creative side, since a lot of what I'm doing requires the creation of various projects.
Still, the reason for the lack of posting over here is because all of my time is going into my Graduate Student Blog, Graduate Interactive Communications. It was required for my 501 class this semester (501 is like 101 but for graduates, at least at Quinnipiac), but I've been using it for all of my classes, sort of.
Anyhow, back to work. Then out to the doctor. Then off to do class work. Yeah... tons of reading. But it's getting better... there's finals coming up soon.
Oy. :)
One migraine at a time. Didn't I just say I love grad school? Hmmm... I'm still here, maybe I do.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Transparent Anonymity
It's been a while and life has been incredibly busy for me. From one job opportunity to another, with Grad school going on besides.
Really, what I am most of all still is tired. I'm working to get an education and trying to position myself within the world so that I can get a decent job, pick up some valuable skills, and maybe finally be able to work a little less and play more. And I'm exhausted.
I know that my skills are increasing. I know that my life is improving. But I feel so very tired. It's like the rewards never seem to materialize the way that they're advertised. I feel definitely like I'm doing good things and making positive changes, but there's such a tremendous amount of resistance and so much effort that's involved just trying to get to the point where you can actually focus on the work you want to focus on... it just seldom seems worth it.
I want to stay positive. I want to focus on the good things. But it's not always easy, and I'm being put in positions where I'm asked to fight for different things that to me are not 'fight-worthy' causes. I don't have the same feelings for things that seem to be expected. I don't get the same high from earning money or spending money that the rest of the world seems to get. That doesn't make it any less important, but I have to put rational arguments in place for me to even perceive the paycheck as being a reward, sometimes.
I'm so thrilled to be back at school and playing with theory again, theory about something, anything... that I don't know whether or not I'll ever be that happy actually working in a field where the theory is what excites me.
Maybe I just need to push on all the way through my PhD in something and try to teach. But there's no money and horrible competition there. But then... what motivates me? And how do I translate it into real world results and rewards for myself?
I remain convinced that there has to be a better way. I just can't seem to figure out what that way is, yet. But I'm not sold on the idea that life has to be this kind of let-down and distraction from individual passion. I'm not convinced that we have to -be- or -become- a certain way to get ahead, or even just to earn a living. I have 36 years of experience telling me that such a way doesn't exist and the world is just a piece of crap you have to deal with on its terms, but I remain idealistic. Just tired.
Really, what I am most of all still is tired. I'm working to get an education and trying to position myself within the world so that I can get a decent job, pick up some valuable skills, and maybe finally be able to work a little less and play more. And I'm exhausted.
I know that my skills are increasing. I know that my life is improving. But I feel so very tired. It's like the rewards never seem to materialize the way that they're advertised. I feel definitely like I'm doing good things and making positive changes, but there's such a tremendous amount of resistance and so much effort that's involved just trying to get to the point where you can actually focus on the work you want to focus on... it just seldom seems worth it.
I want to stay positive. I want to focus on the good things. But it's not always easy, and I'm being put in positions where I'm asked to fight for different things that to me are not 'fight-worthy' causes. I don't have the same feelings for things that seem to be expected. I don't get the same high from earning money or spending money that the rest of the world seems to get. That doesn't make it any less important, but I have to put rational arguments in place for me to even perceive the paycheck as being a reward, sometimes.
I'm so thrilled to be back at school and playing with theory again, theory about something, anything... that I don't know whether or not I'll ever be that happy actually working in a field where the theory is what excites me.
Maybe I just need to push on all the way through my PhD in something and try to teach. But there's no money and horrible competition there. But then... what motivates me? And how do I translate it into real world results and rewards for myself?
I remain convinced that there has to be a better way. I just can't seem to figure out what that way is, yet. But I'm not sold on the idea that life has to be this kind of let-down and distraction from individual passion. I'm not convinced that we have to -be- or -become- a certain way to get ahead, or even just to earn a living. I have 36 years of experience telling me that such a way doesn't exist and the world is just a piece of crap you have to deal with on its terms, but I remain idealistic. Just tired.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Academia Nuts
I'm a grad student at Quinnipiac University now. Go figure! Well, the professional world of design was kind of winding down. I've felt called to switch careers several times now, but in order to affect that kind of a life change I needed to find some kind of new credentials. Where to get credentials? Academia.
I'm studying Interactive Communications at Quinnipiac University. Beautiful campus, not too far from home, and financial aid covers tuition. Room and the rest are still on my shoulders, but they already were anyway so I didn't add anything to my financial load beyond extra gas to get here and back.
So I'm back in college for the first time in a while. I stayed long enough before, but those were the early 90's so the World Wide Web and the campus environment were very different. Heck, *I* was pretty different. And now I'm in school. Well, it kees me moving forward, and I'm already getting lots of ideas even before I've hit all my classes.
Speaking of which, it's time for my first face-to-face class of the semester. Better head over to the building. It's still kind of surreal to me right now, but I'm doing the homework and getting it all taken care of as best as I can.
Did I mention the home computer seems to have some common libraries going corrupt on us? No? Well, just add it to the list. I'm counting the days until my tuition refund from not taking 5 classes this semester, just 4. I'll be investing in a copy of the school-recommended Dell laptop, just so I can make the transition from a desktop to a mobile platform of a laptop. And trust me, I would totally use it everywhere.
Anyhow, on to my class. This blog will hopefully add in a bit more information about online conventions and insights as I not only add to my technical and professional portfolio of skills but also open up design and interactive projects for my own personal expressions. Can't wait! Creation Required, and this is just an intermediate step to continuing with all that this entails.
I'm studying Interactive Communications at Quinnipiac University. Beautiful campus, not too far from home, and financial aid covers tuition. Room and the rest are still on my shoulders, but they already were anyway so I didn't add anything to my financial load beyond extra gas to get here and back.
So I'm back in college for the first time in a while. I stayed long enough before, but those were the early 90's so the World Wide Web and the campus environment were very different. Heck, *I* was pretty different. And now I'm in school. Well, it kees me moving forward, and I'm already getting lots of ideas even before I've hit all my classes.
Speaking of which, it's time for my first face-to-face class of the semester. Better head over to the building. It's still kind of surreal to me right now, but I'm doing the homework and getting it all taken care of as best as I can.
Did I mention the home computer seems to have some common libraries going corrupt on us? No? Well, just add it to the list. I'm counting the days until my tuition refund from not taking 5 classes this semester, just 4. I'll be investing in a copy of the school-recommended Dell laptop, just so I can make the transition from a desktop to a mobile platform of a laptop. And trust me, I would totally use it everywhere.
Anyhow, on to my class. This blog will hopefully add in a bit more information about online conventions and insights as I not only add to my technical and professional portfolio of skills but also open up design and interactive projects for my own personal expressions. Can't wait! Creation Required, and this is just an intermediate step to continuing with all that this entails.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Character Sheet
I just need to store this someplace online to be available to others. Using this as the bandwidth.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Me.
I need to get this image up on the web for use elsewhere. Since no one reads this, no worries about posting it here, really.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Life's Changes
Julia Cameron in THE ARTIST'S WAY says that (note to self, add Amazon.com partnership to my site) when we feel like we're standing still and not getting anywhere, that's when most of the changes are happening at light speed in our lives. We just lack the perspective to see it, and often abort the process before it's complete. Sometimes just having the faith to keep on persevering is what turns apparent frustration into advancement and relief.
I'd have to agree, only because I've seen several choke points in my life where the funhouse feeling of being lost was just a way to keep me in one place until the new life I had ordered from the universe took shape. Also as a way for me to have some breathing space. Now is no different.
Two and a half years ago, I was working for TracyLocke as essentially what boils down to an Interactive Project Manager. The actual job title was Enterprise Solutions Producer, but it's a misnomer, really. I don't have the skills to actually generate the interactive -structure- of things (no ActionScripting skills here), but I'm very good at developing projects from the ground up and executing them/managing their building.
During that time, I scouted some Masters programs in the local area and found one that seemed a perfect match. Masters of Interactive Communications at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, CT. It's a professional program which can be done all at once in a single calendar year (Fall, Spring, Summer) and which has classes that are designed to prepare me for becoming a Content Manager or Webmaster. They also all happen to be scheduled on nights and weekends, meaning that to me this is a perfect program for professionals who are looking to make a change or round out their interactive knowledge while still working.
At the time, things worked out a bit differently than planned due to career changes that later turned out to be not so wonderful, but I had not refused the acceptance into the program. Instead I had deferred my attendance for the period of one year. It's one year later now, and I'm happy to say that I'm going to be attending full time.
I mean, come on. One year for your Masters, and you don't have to give up your day job? The posted salary levels for a Content Manager are in the $80K range. Now, personally, I think I should have already been there for my work in graphic design and production, but the rest of the world puts the value of production artists and graphic designers at slightly lower. Recently news leaked out that Directors of Print Production in one major CT advertising company get $160K range, but I have to assume that's because of the Director title, not the job description of a Print Producer.
As hokey as it all seems, one major shift came from watching The Secret recently. I have been noticing my negativity trend for a while, and I decided it's time to change. I've got a gratitude rock (a small plain stone you keep in your pocket... every time you touch it, think of something you're grateful for) and I've been working with the attitude shift this week. It's starting to take hold. The negative thoughts and preoccupations still come, but I'm noticing those trends earlier and I'm taking conscious steps to shift my perspective into the positive by immediately countering negative thoughts with optimistic ones.
I walked around the house just letting myself feel high by immersing myself in the giddy feelings that accompany gratitude. If you want to be a rich man, count your blessings. Isn't that how the saying goes?
What an amazing shift is happening with that. I know that for most folks, especially the "too smart for their own good" crowd like me, The Secret can seem hokey. The reason for it is that we actually get an emotional payoff from being negative all the time. We act negatively, and we expect negative things, and then lo and behold, we get negative results. And we say, "AHA! See? I was RIGHT!"
And you know what? That being 'right' gives an emotional payout. When you're very smart, or very visionary, or just coming from a very different angle, we get used to having to explain ourselves, encountering doubt, or fighting mental inertia in the minds of those around us.
So I've begun working on changing it. Oddly enough, before watching The Secret, I found an old PDF I had made of an online text, written in 1910 and posted much later of course, called 'The Science of Getting Rich'. Before you click the link, the site offers free giveaways of the text. I haven't investigated them fully, so Clicker Beware, but I know the text is worth the download.
Anyhow, I came across the text while cleaning, picked it up and thought about reading it again, and then set it down for 'later much'. I saw The Secret and got inspired and started trying the techniques, and now a week later, a friend was cleaning and found a copy of The Science of Getting Rich that I had made for her, and she returned it to me. So last night, I started reading.
Lo and behold, it's the same principle as The Secret. The Law of Attraction. Positive thoughts yield positive outcomes. Believe in yourself, and you can do it. William Blake's old chestnut - When Man commits himself, Providence moves also, to paraphrase.
The odd thing is that in my occult studies, I've come to realize that usually, the truth of any matter is really quite simple. So the apparent over-simplicity of these concepts... wow. Epiphany time. No, really... just try it. Give it 90 days.
Why 90 days? Because Time just ran an article about the science of addiction. It takes 90 days to introduce a new habit and have it stand a chance of taking hold. So, I'm one week into my 90 days. It started very rocky, but I'm not giving up. And change is coming, and it's already showing itself to be for the better. So why not choose to be happy? Choose to be rich? Choose to believe in my own unique gifts, instead of lamenting that I didn't grow up to be an underwear model, or an A-list Hollywood star, or whatever.
So with going back to school for my Masters now a firm commitment, I recognized a potential opportunity back with TracyLocke. I checked in with my old friend Sam, and he gave me the idea that I should put together a new blog, something that was more than just an online diary like this seems to be, and something which could be used as an example of the kind of work that I can do. Using that, I may be able to hook myself up with some freelance gigs for companies so that while I'm going to school I can be doing the kind of work that I'll eventually end up prepped for with the degree.
Law School remains an option, one I've been toying with for years. All my life, actually. But honestly, right now, I see a different direction. Maybe it's not time to shut the door on the opportunity to be recogized for my talents and to make a living from my pasttime.
I'm not abandoning this blog. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Not that I have much (or any) readership, but it's important for me to have a place that serves as the catch-all. Creation Required does just that. It's a useful tool for me, and one I plan on continuing.
But I like D&D. I like designing modules and adventures, and running my own game, and playing in the games of others. I love plots and stories, and I really like the adult aspect of being an older gamer. In days gone by, I would have been a storyteller, amusing the community I was living with by being like a human TV set. But I'm from a different era, and a different age. I tell my stories interactively. I always have. And D&D (and other game systems) have been the vehicle for me sharing my vision with others.
One of the things that makes me unique in the D&D community, or at least makes me stand out as an individual Gamemaster (GM) is that I love plot and story. My story arcs are to die for, and it keeps packing the gaming table full of folks. I recently lost two of my 'pillar' players, the ones who helped to motivate the rest of the crew, and as a result the old campaign arc came to a bit of a premature halt. Those two gamers moved away to Bentonville, Arkansas to work near WalMart for their company, and several gamers who had real life issues cropping up came to a point in their lives where they just couldn't continue with the game.
And yet, despite all of this, I found myself with 8, possibly 9 more players who lined up to get into the game. Not that I had a waiting list, but I certainly have the start of a reputation.
Time to stretch my wings a bit. I have an idea to turn my gaming world into a Boxed Set for sale to the D&D crowd. Who doesn't dream of that? But I beleive my skill set to be at the point where it's not only possible, it's highly plausible. Especially since I'm using my game -structure- experience to modify things slightly, and I'm reworking the typical patterns to hopefully produce a DVD/CD-ROM interactive "boxed set". The costs are much lower to produce copies, and let GM's decide what they need to print out, or use it on their laptops while they game.
The Master's Program requires a final Thesis or Project, so I'm going to make the Tol Vehara Project mine. For those who want to see some of the copious amounts of source materials I have already developed for that game, I direct you to my game Wiki at tolvehara.wetpaint.com. It needs to be revised and updated, certainly, but it's going to be a fun project. And if I get credit for my Masters from it, and if I can develop a product that can be sold or can get me on the map as one of the 'names to know' in D&D writing... well, then, it sounds like fun, and the rewards are definitely something which have real value to me.
So that's the plan. In thinking about it, and tying that plan in with Sam's idea of starting a new blog, I think I'm going to start developing a blog which is meant for D&D Gamemasters, to help them start thinking in terms of plot development and story arc, to make the shift from being a D&D rules lawyer to being a storyteller, and raising their DMing quotient a bit by focusing more on manipulating plots and pacing to deliver entertainment to the crowd of gamers.
Good to have a plan. Time to enlist the aid of allies and start getting this off the ground. While the D&D topic doesn't seem like a good topic for a professional sample, I counter that it actually is. There's enough of an online community for D&D that blogging for it in any way can provide the useful service of collecting, condensing, examining and rehashing various things going on. There's sites to link to, streaming content available on YouTube, etc., and plenty of audience for it. The editorial writing style and essays will be topic-centric. Right now I just need -a- blog for it. If it turns out that it's not received well enough as a sample of being able to carry out the typical tasks, that's fine by me. I can always make another blog later. But one at a time.
Ahhh, life -is- good, and things -are- getting better. All the time.
I'd have to agree, only because I've seen several choke points in my life where the funhouse feeling of being lost was just a way to keep me in one place until the new life I had ordered from the universe took shape. Also as a way for me to have some breathing space. Now is no different.
New Course Laid In
Two and a half years ago, I was working for TracyLocke as essentially what boils down to an Interactive Project Manager. The actual job title was Enterprise Solutions Producer, but it's a misnomer, really. I don't have the skills to actually generate the interactive -structure- of things (no ActionScripting skills here), but I'm very good at developing projects from the ground up and executing them/managing their building.
During that time, I scouted some Masters programs in the local area and found one that seemed a perfect match. Masters of Interactive Communications at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, CT. It's a professional program which can be done all at once in a single calendar year (Fall, Spring, Summer) and which has classes that are designed to prepare me for becoming a Content Manager or Webmaster. They also all happen to be scheduled on nights and weekends, meaning that to me this is a perfect program for professionals who are looking to make a change or round out their interactive knowledge while still working.
At the time, things worked out a bit differently than planned due to career changes that later turned out to be not so wonderful, but I had not refused the acceptance into the program. Instead I had deferred my attendance for the period of one year. It's one year later now, and I'm happy to say that I'm going to be attending full time.
I mean, come on. One year for your Masters, and you don't have to give up your day job? The posted salary levels for a Content Manager are in the $80K range. Now, personally, I think I should have already been there for my work in graphic design and production, but the rest of the world puts the value of production artists and graphic designers at slightly lower. Recently news leaked out that Directors of Print Production in one major CT advertising company get $160K range, but I have to assume that's because of the Director title, not the job description of a Print Producer.
Born Again Optimist
As hokey as it all seems, one major shift came from watching The Secret recently. I have been noticing my negativity trend for a while, and I decided it's time to change. I've got a gratitude rock (a small plain stone you keep in your pocket... every time you touch it, think of something you're grateful for) and I've been working with the attitude shift this week. It's starting to take hold. The negative thoughts and preoccupations still come, but I'm noticing those trends earlier and I'm taking conscious steps to shift my perspective into the positive by immediately countering negative thoughts with optimistic ones.
I walked around the house just letting myself feel high by immersing myself in the giddy feelings that accompany gratitude. If you want to be a rich man, count your blessings. Isn't that how the saying goes?
What an amazing shift is happening with that. I know that for most folks, especially the "too smart for their own good" crowd like me, The Secret can seem hokey. The reason for it is that we actually get an emotional payoff from being negative all the time. We act negatively, and we expect negative things, and then lo and behold, we get negative results. And we say, "AHA! See? I was RIGHT!"
And you know what? That being 'right' gives an emotional payout. When you're very smart, or very visionary, or just coming from a very different angle, we get used to having to explain ourselves, encountering doubt, or fighting mental inertia in the minds of those around us.
Serendipity
So I've begun working on changing it. Oddly enough, before watching The Secret, I found an old PDF I had made of an online text, written in 1910 and posted much later of course, called 'The Science of Getting Rich'. Before you click the link, the site offers free giveaways of the text. I haven't investigated them fully, so Clicker Beware, but I know the text is worth the download.
Anyhow, I came across the text while cleaning, picked it up and thought about reading it again, and then set it down for 'later much'. I saw The Secret and got inspired and started trying the techniques, and now a week later, a friend was cleaning and found a copy of The Science of Getting Rich that I had made for her, and she returned it to me. So last night, I started reading.
Lo and behold, it's the same principle as The Secret. The Law of Attraction. Positive thoughts yield positive outcomes. Believe in yourself, and you can do it. William Blake's old chestnut - When Man commits himself, Providence moves also, to paraphrase.
The odd thing is that in my occult studies, I've come to realize that usually, the truth of any matter is really quite simple. So the apparent over-simplicity of these concepts... wow. Epiphany time. No, really... just try it. Give it 90 days.
Why 90 days? Because Time just ran an article about the science of addiction. It takes 90 days to introduce a new habit and have it stand a chance of taking hold. So, I'm one week into my 90 days. It started very rocky, but I'm not giving up. And change is coming, and it's already showing itself to be for the better. So why not choose to be happy? Choose to be rich? Choose to believe in my own unique gifts, instead of lamenting that I didn't grow up to be an underwear model, or an A-list Hollywood star, or whatever.
The New Direction Unfolds
So with going back to school for my Masters now a firm commitment, I recognized a potential opportunity back with TracyLocke. I checked in with my old friend Sam, and he gave me the idea that I should put together a new blog, something that was more than just an online diary like this seems to be, and something which could be used as an example of the kind of work that I can do. Using that, I may be able to hook myself up with some freelance gigs for companies so that while I'm going to school I can be doing the kind of work that I'll eventually end up prepped for with the degree.
Law School remains an option, one I've been toying with for years. All my life, actually. But honestly, right now, I see a different direction. Maybe it's not time to shut the door on the opportunity to be recogized for my talents and to make a living from my pasttime.
New Blog Idea
I'm not abandoning this blog. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Not that I have much (or any) readership, but it's important for me to have a place that serves as the catch-all. Creation Required does just that. It's a useful tool for me, and one I plan on continuing.
But I like D&D. I like designing modules and adventures, and running my own game, and playing in the games of others. I love plots and stories, and I really like the adult aspect of being an older gamer. In days gone by, I would have been a storyteller, amusing the community I was living with by being like a human TV set. But I'm from a different era, and a different age. I tell my stories interactively. I always have. And D&D (and other game systems) have been the vehicle for me sharing my vision with others.
One of the things that makes me unique in the D&D community, or at least makes me stand out as an individual Gamemaster (GM) is that I love plot and story. My story arcs are to die for, and it keeps packing the gaming table full of folks. I recently lost two of my 'pillar' players, the ones who helped to motivate the rest of the crew, and as a result the old campaign arc came to a bit of a premature halt. Those two gamers moved away to Bentonville, Arkansas to work near WalMart for their company, and several gamers who had real life issues cropping up came to a point in their lives where they just couldn't continue with the game.
And yet, despite all of this, I found myself with 8, possibly 9 more players who lined up to get into the game. Not that I had a waiting list, but I certainly have the start of a reputation.
Time to stretch my wings a bit. I have an idea to turn my gaming world into a Boxed Set for sale to the D&D crowd. Who doesn't dream of that? But I beleive my skill set to be at the point where it's not only possible, it's highly plausible. Especially since I'm using my game -structure- experience to modify things slightly, and I'm reworking the typical patterns to hopefully produce a DVD/CD-ROM interactive "boxed set". The costs are much lower to produce copies, and let GM's decide what they need to print out, or use it on their laptops while they game.
The Master's Program requires a final Thesis or Project, so I'm going to make the Tol Vehara Project mine. For those who want to see some of the copious amounts of source materials I have already developed for that game, I direct you to my game Wiki at tolvehara.wetpaint.com. It needs to be revised and updated, certainly, but it's going to be a fun project. And if I get credit for my Masters from it, and if I can develop a product that can be sold or can get me on the map as one of the 'names to know' in D&D writing... well, then, it sounds like fun, and the rewards are definitely something which have real value to me.
So that's the plan. In thinking about it, and tying that plan in with Sam's idea of starting a new blog, I think I'm going to start developing a blog which is meant for D&D Gamemasters, to help them start thinking in terms of plot development and story arc, to make the shift from being a D&D rules lawyer to being a storyteller, and raising their DMing quotient a bit by focusing more on manipulating plots and pacing to deliver entertainment to the crowd of gamers.
Good to have a plan. Time to enlist the aid of allies and start getting this off the ground. While the D&D topic doesn't seem like a good topic for a professional sample, I counter that it actually is. There's enough of an online community for D&D that blogging for it in any way can provide the useful service of collecting, condensing, examining and rehashing various things going on. There's sites to link to, streaming content available on YouTube, etc., and plenty of audience for it. The editorial writing style and essays will be topic-centric. Right now I just need -a- blog for it. If it turns out that it's not received well enough as a sample of being able to carry out the typical tasks, that's fine by me. I can always make another blog later. But one at a time.
Ahhh, life -is- good, and things -are- getting better. All the time.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Not out of it yet
Well, apparently the general malaise of being unemployed and depressed and at a crossroads in life hasn't resolved itself yet. Or maybe there's still something I'm supposed to be doing that I'm not.
Or maybe, as Jack asked in the film by the same name, "What if this is as good as it gets?"
Scary thought. But liveable. Life doesn't exactly suck, but it's not exactly fun. If I had to define it, I'd say this was Heck. Hell would be more painful.
Or maybe, as Jack asked in the film by the same name, "What if this is as good as it gets?"
Scary thought. But liveable. Life doesn't exactly suck, but it's not exactly fun. If I had to define it, I'd say this was Heck. Hell would be more painful.
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