Sunday, May 6, 2007

Wandering

It's been a while, mentally and emotionally, since my last post. My boss found out I was looking for another job because I was not happy working for her. One of the places I applied at contacted her and let her know illegally that I was looking, and she used this as the reason for my dismissal.

In the time since, she has refused to give me my personal belongings, she has threatened to use her contacts to 'destroy me' professionally speaking, and after declining to participate in the hearing where the CT Labor Board awarded me unemployment, now she is using her legal right to appeal that decision. I finally got my last paycheck, but I'm still waiting for my personal items.

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster in the process. Being unemployed has taught me a lot about myself. I've been writing, but not often. I'm too scattered to produce much. I've had to wrestle with feelings of uselessness, and I've even started looking into just doing per diem work as a stagehand for the local Performing Arts centers in order to have something to -do-. I need to be busy. I need to be employed. I need my day job.

South Beach has had to go on hold. Eating well costs much more money than eating to survive. Weird, but true. All the same, I'm maintaining my lost weight in the interim.

I've been wrestling with perception, mostly, and that's the key. Lots of stuff has happened in between, including the death of my grandmother, Marie Schillinger, the last of the eldest generation for my extended family. The generation machine kicked forward another notch, and now I'm in the generation my parents formerly occupied, and they're now in the generation formerly belonging to my grandparents. Death and mortality have been very evident for me, as well as the feeling of uselessness and the omnipresent knowledge that no matter how hard I try I'm still utterly weird.

But hopefully everything will work out well for me. I've had another interview, back at the company I worked for before my 'career experiment' with Recruiting. I had left on good terms, and the folks I would be working with all approved me for returning. Now we just need to see who else applied for the job, and what direction the department is going to be shaped into. I remain hopeful.

Fine art... well, one of the things that this time has done for me is demonstrate that fine art as a passion does not yet run so deep that being without ability to make it causes my soul discomfort. Writing, on the other hand, and stories... I can't stop. Even when I refuse to type, my writing finds other outlets. Long, epic emails. Long blogger posts. :) Analyzing the story structure and underlying mythic motifs present in a Star Trek Voyager episode (Unimatrix Zero, for those who are curious). Renewed interest in D&D campaign plots. It all leaks out the edges.

Creation Required.

Good title.

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